Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

If thou, that bidd’st me be content, wert grim,

Ugly, and slanderous to thy mother’s womb,

Full of unpleasing blots and sightless stains,

Lame, foolish, crooked, swart, prodigious,

Pacht with foul moles and eye-offending marks

I would not care, I then would be content;

For then I should not love thee; no, nor thou

Become thy great birth, nor deserve a crown.

But thou art fair; and at thy birth, dear boy,

Nature and Fortune join’d to make thee great;

Of Nature’s gifts thou mayst with lilies boast

And with the half-blown rose: but Fortune, O!

She is corrupted changed and won from thee;

Sh’adulterates hourly with thine Uncle John;

And with her golden hand hath pluckt on France

To tread down fair respect of sovereignty,

And made his majesty the bawd to theirs.

 

Constance

King John       Act III, Scene i, Line 48

 

Okay, that's a long one. No sense complaining; let's just get at it.

The line previous to this is Arthur, the son of Constance, saying to his mother,

I do beseech you, madam, be content.

Previous to that, Constance had been on a rant about the horrible peace deal that had been struck with France. It seems that much of the kingdom has been given up and she’s upset because her son, Arthur, who is the heir to the throne of the childless King John, stands to inherit a much lesser kingdom than she thinks he should be getting. That is her issue, and that is what she’s talking about in Today’s Lines.

So what’s she saying to Arthur? She’s saying that if he was born ugly, stupid, and worthless she wouldn’t love him, and he wouldn’t deserve the crown. But he’s not, he’s born to greatness, and nature and fortune dictate greatness for him. However, his worthless Uncle John (again, that’s King John), has corrupted fortune and worked to make sure that the England that Arthur will inherit as ruler will be subservient to France.

And there you have it. Overbearing mother, or a concerned parent with a valid gripe? You tell me.  

Overbearing my butt! This lady is right on. 

I would certainly hope that someone would stick up for me if you were going to screw up all that I'm going to be inheriting from you when you kick the bucket. 

Mojo, you're not going to be inherit....   oh, never mind.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Thou shalt inquire him out among the Goths:

 

Titus      

Titus Andronicus           Act V, Scene ii, Line 123

 

This is part of an eight-line sentence full of commas, colons, and semi-colons. I was gonna give you the whole eight lines, but thought better of it, so you just got Thou shalt inquire him out among the Goths.

I mean, that’s enough, isn’t it?

 

Yes!! That’s enough!!

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many ill qualities.

 

Margaret

Much Ado About Nothing            Act II Scene i, Line 96

Margaret is talking with Balthazar; he is telling her that he likes her, and she is telling him not to bother. 

Well, I would you did like me, is Balthazar’s line that Margaret is replying to.

I believe that it’s often syntax, the order of the words in a sentence, that makes Shakespeare hard to understand. And this is why it’s easier to understand when listened to, because if the speaker is someone who knows what the lines mean, they can accent the words in such a way so that it makes the odd order of the words more comprehensible. 

I can think of three reasons for Will using odd syntax: By playing with the syntax he can gain emphasis on different things where he wants it. By playing with syntax he can make the lines properly metrical. Finally, in some cases the syntax he is using was probably the order of the words that was more usual back in 1690.

Syntax.  

Let’s take today’s lines. I guess the other issue today is the use of the word would. Wish is a word that might make this clearer.

Well, I would you did like me.

Well, I wish you liked me. I changed did like to liked.

So would not I. 

I wouldn’t (wish that). I put I at the beginning of the sentence.

If you think of this stuff as Yoda speak, maybe that would make it easier. It occurs to me that no one seems to object to Yoda’s syntax, and it’s not that different from Will’s.

Again, Syntax.

Again, welcome aboard.

And here's what Mojo thinks about syntax.

Going,

Going,

  

Gone!

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

For him, I think not on him; for his thoughts,

Would they were blanks, rather than fill’d with me!

Olivia

Twelfth Night                Act III Scene i, Line 106

Regarding him (Duke Orsino), I don’t think about him at all; regarding his thoughts, it would be better off if his thoughts were about nothing than to be about me.

There. That’s Pete’s version. Pretty simple. It wasn’t that simple when I first read it. But it turns out that it is pretty simple. Sometimes things can seem more difficult at first, but then they come into focus and you realize they’re pretty straightforward. 

I think there’s two things to talk about here, and they’re very related. One is simplicity, and the other is thoughts. So let’s open this up

What Olivia’s saying is simple to understand, and the idea she’s conveying is simple too. Tell the duke to stop thinking about me. Simple as that. But is it so simple to stop thinking about things? Not always. 

And this is true the stressful world of April, 2025 that we’re living in and through.

I think Taylor Swift said it best: Leading up to the election she said that she was voting for Kamala and one of the main reasons was that we needed calm leadership, not chaos and crisis. Well, we got chaos and crisis, and I think we’re all feeling the effects of that now. I know I am. I can do my best to try to pull up, but it’s just not always possible for me. 

It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

 

This little guy here helps me a lot. He helps me pull up (get my thoughts out of the day-to-day stress), and he helps me keep it simple. 

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

‘Have done,’ quoth he: ‘my uncontrolled tide
Turns not, but swells the higher by this let.
Small lights are soon blown out, huge fires abide,
And with the wind in greater fury fret:
The petty streams that pay a daily debt
     To their salt sovereign, with their fresh falls’                     haste

     Add to his flow, but alter not his taste.

 

Tarquin

 Lucrece                         Line  651

Now from where I’m sitting, if I give you just a little context, I believe you should have no problem understanding exactly what Tarquin is saying. But unfortunately, I think I’m probably wrong in that assumption.

Let’s try anyway.

This is Tarquin talking. He’s stolen into Lucrece’s bedroom late at night with the intent of having his way with her. She is scared to death and wants no part of him. That’s not going to stop him. Remember, the poem is alternately titled Lucrece or The Rape Of Lucrece. Our victim has just spent a number of lines trying to talk Tarquin out of raping her. Today’s lines are part of Tarquin’s response to this plea. And one more bit of help: the word let in the second line can be taken to mean obstacle. In this case he’s referring to the obstacle of her trying to stop him.

Soooo, got it? Probably not. 

Okay, here’s the Pete's short version:
First two lines: Stop talking. You’re not going to stop me, you’re just making me want to do this more.
Next two lines: Like a large fire that grows bigger in a wind, my urge grows stronger with your resisting it.
Last three: Okay, I can’t quite figure out what this metaphor is saying, but I’m pretty sure it’s more of the same.

Now do you see it?

  

 See what? Is there another mouse?

Never mind, Mojo.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Methinks the realms of England, France, and Ireland

Bear that proportion to my flesh and blood

As did the fatal brand Althaea burn’d

Unto the prince’s heart of Calydon.

 

Duke of York

King Henry the Sixth Part II        Act I Scene i, Line 233

It just so happens that this very line is explained by Isaac Asimov in his Asimov’s Guide To Shakespeare. The Duke of York has been talking to himself about the fact that he's going to steal the throne from Henry, and this line is a reference to how important it is for him to take over the power. 

Here’s Asimov –

This is a reference to Meleager of Calydon, whose life would last only so long as a brand in the keeping of his mother, Althaea, remained unburned. Richard feels the loss of his realm will kill him just as surely as the burning of the brand would kill Meleager.

 And there you have it.

I was so proud of myself for being able to come up with this perfect explanation of Althaea and Calydon-

 

And then Mojo spotted the mouse, and that was the end of that short-lived, proud moment.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Lords, to the field; Saint George and victory!

 

King Edward

King Henry the Sixth Part III               Act V Scene i, Line 113

We’re near the end of the Henry III plays, and as you can see, Edward is the king now. I forget the specific chain of events, but I know that Edward usurps the throne from Henry (twice, actually), before Richard then grabs it from Edward’s young son. But that’s the next play in line: Richard the Third, and we're not there yet.

First we have to get through the battle that Edward is leading the charge into. And don’t ask me what battle this is, because I don’t know. There’s lots of battles between the forces of Edward and the forces of Henry in the Henry VI plays. As I said, the crown goes back and forth between Henry had Edward three times before it’s over. But it’s almost over. I think this is the last Edward vs Henry battle. Actually, in a lot of these battles it’s Edward vs Margaret, Henry’s wife. Yeah, Henry has trouble putting on his big boy pants for some of these battles, so that Margaret has to lead the troops. I’m not sure if that’s the case here.
 
I suppose we could have gotten by with a bit less of an explanation for a simple line like this. Something along the lines of
This is King Edward leading his forces into battle with the forces of King Henry.

There, how’s that?

Too late. I lost the guy already to...heck, I have no idea what Jeff's reading to him. Oh well, I guess everybody needs a break from Shakespeare once in a while.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Away with them to prison; and the day

Of combat shall be the last of next month.-

Come, Somerset, we’ll see thee sent away.

 

King Henry

King Henry the Sixth Part II         Act I Scene iii, Line 220

It seems a little arbitrary that Henry is assigning the day of combat to be the last day of next month. I wonder where that comes from? Also, I added the line about Somerset (which doesn't have anything to do with the combat) because this is the end of the scene, so it didn’t feel right leaving that last line out.

So apparently combat will be the way to settle the question of which of these two guys is telling the truth. They are a couple of nearly anonymous henchmen. The first, Thomas Horner, is being accused of treason for saying that Richard, Duke of York was the rightful king of England. The accuser, the guy who heard him say this, is his servant, Peter; no last name - just Peter. Another Peter; can you believe it?

Anyway, since it’s a case of he said, he said, and there are no witnesses, the only solution is for these two to fight it out. And that’s what they’ll settle on the day of combat, the last of next month. They both get to sit in prison until then.

Now Peter’s got but two lines in the play, and they’re both kind of interesting, so we’ll take a look at them.
He gets some stage direction for his first line which is after Thomas Horner calls him a liar, saying he never spoke the traitorous words.

[holding up his hands]
By these ten bones, my lords, he did speak them to me in the garret one night, as we were scouring my Lord of York’s armour.

So, he’s swearing on his ten fingers that Horner said what he said he said. That seems a little odd – swearing on his ten fingers?

And his other line is after he’s been told that he’ll have to do combat with Thomas Horner to decide who’s telling the truth.

Alas, my lord, I cannot fight; for God’s sake, pity my case! The spite of man prevaileth against me. O Lord, have mercy upon me! I shall never be able to fight a blow: O Lord, my heart!

I’m not quite clear to me why he cant’ fight. Is it because he has ten boney fingers? Or perhaps because he won’t fight his master? Or maybe he’s just a puny little guy who doesn’t stand a chance against Thomas Horner? Or is he saying that his heart will give out?

I’m pretty sure, though not positive, that we never get to see these two again, so that we’ll never know what happens. Their fate is of little consequence. Their part in the play was to bring up the question of the Duke of Gloster’s fidelity to the king. To be sure, the Duke and the question of his fidelity will certainly come up again.

Meantime, sounds like Peter No-Last-Name is a lover, not a fighter. He also sounds a little like Fred Sanford. Remember Fred Sanford? My heart! I’m coming to see you, Elizabeth!

Sanford And Son: This Is The Big One! - YouTube

  

Fred Sanford, Fred Sanford. That name rings a bell.

Hmmm, Fred Sanford…

 Today’s Totally Random Lines

Gentle Cousin,

Let us go thank him and encourage him:

My father’s rough and envious disposition

Sticks me at heart.

 

Ceila

As You Like It                        Act I Scene ii, Line 234

I’ve concluded that reading Shakespeare makes you smarter. Do I need to back that up with details? Well, I think it should be obvious. Just figuring out what’s being said is a good mental exercise. And then thinking about what it is that’s being said is further good, strong work.

For instance, take sticks me at heart. That’s an odd little turn of phrase. And yet, pretty easy to figure out what she’s saying. She’s obviously remarking about feeling bad that her father was mean to Orlando. Sticks me at heart is simply makes me feel bad.

But then you can think about that choice of those four words: sticks me at heart. Why those words, and in that order. Perhaps that was a common phrase back then. Perhaps not. I don’t know. Without any modifier in front of heart, it makes me think that Will is speaking less of her heart and more of feelings in general, or maybe trying to get more emphasis on Ceila’s father than on Ceila.

See what I mean? You can really dig into this stuff and roll around in it. It’s a good mental exercise, and we’ve barely scratched the surface.  Beats the hell out of watching Charlie bit my finger videos.

Wait, then that means I’m getting smarter too!

Sure Mojo, you’re getting much smarter.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

His vices, you would say; there’s no virtue whipt out of the court: they cherish it, to make it say there; and yet it will no more but abide.

 

Clown

The Winter’s Tale         Act IV Scene ii, Line 91

Autolycus is pretending to have been mugged, and Clown has stopped to help him. He’s telling Clown that he knows the fellow who beat him: he was a former servant of the prince, “I cannot tell, good sir, for which of his virtues it was, but he was certainly whipt out of the court.”

That’s what Clown is responding to; saying that the court would have kicked this fellow out for his vices, not his virtues. The court cherishes virtues.
In the meantime Autolycus (who is actually describing himself when he talks about the mugger) picks the clown’s pocket. 

And that’s what Today’s Line is all about. 

So this guy picks the other guy’s pocket after the other guy stops to help him. Are you sure this guy’s not still in the court, because he’d fit in perfectly in today’s ruling party.

Pull up, Mojo. Pull up!

 Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

He was; I Heard the proclamation:

And then it was when the unhappy king-

Whose wrongs in us God pardon!- did set forth

Upon his Irish expedition;

From whence he intercepted did return

To be deposed, and shortly murdered.

 

Earl of Northumberland

King Henry the Fourth Part I       Act I Scene iii, Line 148

So, what to do with this? Context? Well, I can tell you exactly what’s going on if you’d like me to, but I think I’d lose you or put you to sleep in the process. Oh what the heck…

Back in the time that this took place (England in the 1400’s) it was customary in battles to take prisoners of the high-ranking guys of the opposition. Then, at a later date these guys would be ransomed back to the other side. It was a way to make some money. It seems that in today’s scene Hotspur does not want to give his prisoners to King Henry. More to the point of today’s line though, King Henry has insisted that one of the guys lost in the battle, Mortimer, will not be ransomed, and that is what Hotspur is getting upset about. Mortimer is Hotspurs brother-in-law, but Mortimer is also the fellow that Richard II (the king that current King Henry IV deposed and stole the crown from) named as his rightful heir; Richard had no kids of his own. So that makes Mortimer a claimant to the throne and threat to Henry who took the throne by force. When Northumberland says ‘He was’, the ‘He’ is Mortimer: Mortimer was proclaimed heir. The ‘unhappy king’ he speaks of in Today’s Lines is Richard. Got it?
 
See, I warned you. Still awake? The sad part is that I actually know all this stuff. English history is pretty interesting. Heck, history is interesting, particularly when you get to the human side of it. And it’s all got many human sides to it; without the humans there would be no history. And of course, Will is all about the human side of it. He’s telling his stories (his history plays) about stuff that happened about one hundred years previous. So the theater goers of his day are at least familiar with what the story is about. It would be like me writing a play set in World War I. Most (some?) of the people seeing the play would have some idea of the setting. But I wouldn’t write a play about the historical facts, I’d write it about the humans involved, and how it affected them. Like Will did.

I guess that’s one reason that people struggle with a lot of Will’s stuff. The language is one thing, but the historical setting and lack of knowledge about it is also a factor (that’s one good reason that Asimov’s Guide to Shakespeare is such a great book). I guess the bottom line is that people in general need to be better educated. Wow, that’s not a comment that’s going to be well received by anyone, is it? But it gets back to the crux of that article I was reading a few days ago about the need for people to be getting educated for the sake of becoming better educated, more well-rounded humans, as opposed to getting educated to get a job. But that’s a whole ’nother rabbit hole, isn’t it? We’ll leave that one for another day.

My little buddy made it as far as "Back in the time...", and that was enough for him.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

And so I was; which plainly signified

That I should snarl, and bite, and play the dog.

 

Duke of Gloster (soon to be Richard III)

King Henry the Sixth Part III       Act V Scene vi, Line 77

This is part of Richard’s longer, scene ending speech. He’s just stabbed Henry to death in the Tower of London. I’ll give you a bit of the speech he’s making as he stands over the dead body of the king. Keep in mind that Henry is quite dead, as he’s already received the stage direction [Dies], but not before telling Richard what a schmuck he is.

If any spark of life be yet remaining,
Down, down to hell; and say I sent thee thither, [Stabs him again]
I that have neither pity, love, nor fear.
Indeed, ‘tis true that Henry told me of;
For I have often heard my mother say
I came into the world with my legs forward:
Had I not reason, think ye, to make haste,
And seek their ruin that usurps our right?
The midwife wonder’d; and the women cried,
‘O, Jesus bless us, he is born with teeth!’
And so I was; which plainly signified
That I should snarl, and bite, and play the dog.

And then he goes on for a bit, about who’s the next person in his way that he’ll have to kill.

The play after this one in Will’s history saga is Richard the Third, in which Richard (who’s just getting started here at the end of this Henry play) really takes off and becomes the dastardly deed doer that we all remember him as. Of course, historians question the portrait of Richard that Will, with dramatic license, paints so vividly black. But for the sake of drama, I guess that doesn’t really matter, does it?

So, what, if anything, is today’s takeaway?
Richard was a creep, a really bad guy? Something more? Or less? I guess the takeaway is whatever you want it to be, but just remember: no matter how many jerks you have to put up with in life, you can count your blessings that you don’t have this particular jerk to deal with.
There you go: consider it a glass half full of silver linings.

You gotta be kidding me: a glass half full of silver linings?  What a piece of work.

 

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Item, she can knit.

 

Speed

Two Gentlemen of Verona                     Act II Scene i, Line 304

I’m not going to go into an explanation of the scene and what’s happening, because I did that when we were in this scene just a bit ago. Here’s the link to that post. Mojo, The Bard, & Me
Apparently the fact that she can knit is just one more point in this woman’s favor.

I suppose knitting was a much more important four hundred years ago when it could account for some much needed, and much harder to come by, clothing. Now, of course, knitting is more of a hobby.

I like the first item that Speed mentions the best. Item, she brews good ale. Now that is a wench to be valued in any time.

Wench? Really? Wench?

Easy there, Mr. Mojo; that's how she was referred to in the text.

Oh, so that makes it okay? So I can call Mrs. Blagys a wench?

If you want her to open up a can of Whupass you can.