Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.

 

Nurse

Romeo and Juliet             Act I, Scene iii, Line 12

I think that Nurse and Friar Knucklehead might be the two most interesting characters in this play. That’s not to say that the other players lack interest, but just to say that these two are the best.

This scene is with Nurse, Juliet, and Lady Capulet, Juliet’s mother. When the Lady brings up the fact that her daughter is of a pretty age (not yet fourteen), Nurse gives us Today’s Line. But she doesn’t stop there. She goes into thirty-odd lines about raising Juliet, whom she calls Jule, from a pup. Then she and Juliet get into a bit of a laughing fit about a story of Jule falling on her face when she was just a toddler.

Anyway, the reason for this scene taking place is Lady Capulet telling her daughter that Paris is going to be seeking her hand in marriage. Therefore, Juliet should check him out closely at the party the Capulets are having that evening. Juliet agrees to this since she hasn’t yet met Romeo. Of course, she’ll meet her titular lover this evening, so the Paris thing won’t be working out quite the way that Lady Capulet wants.

Ah well, the best laid plans of mice and men, eh?

I'm not sure what's up with Mojo. He's told me before that R&J is not one of his favorite plays, but that can't be it. Something's gotten into him, and he doesn't seem to want to leave the security of his gated community this morning. 

Yes, we call it his gated community. Don't ask. 

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Aye, and it makes men hate one another.

 

 First Serving-Man

Coriolanus             Act IV, Scene iv, Line 225

I bet that in a million years you could not guess what it is these guys are saying makes men hate one another. Give up? It’s peace. Yes, peace makes men hate one another.

Reason: because they then less need one another.

Yup, that’s the simple explanation given by Third Serving Man as to why peace makes men hate one another: because then they don’t need each other as much as they do in war.

These are three waiters talking amongst themselves. They are working a feast where the Volscians have just decided to go and attack Rome. These guys, the waiters that is, think that’s great. Listen to the exchange between the three of them when they hear the news that they’re going to war (though it seems unlikely that these three will be going anywhere).

Why, then we shall have a stirring world again. This peace is nothing, but to rust iron, increase tailors, and breed ballad-makers.

Let me have war, say I; it exceeds peace as far as day does night; it’s spritely, waking, audible, and full of vent. Peace is a very apoplexy (unconsciousness), lethargy; mull’d, deaf, sleepy, insensible; a getter of more bastard children than war’s a destroyer of men.

‘Tis so: and as war, in some sort, may be said to be a ravisher, so it cannot be denied but peace is a great maker of cuckolds.

Ay, and it makes men hate one another.  

So these guys, who are not going to be having any part of the war, think war is a great idea and a much greater thing than peace. And one of the reasons is that even though war is a ravisher, peace results in more bastard children being born. That’s right, it’s better to have people being killed, than to have a bunch of out-of-wedlock or extra-marital sex taking place.

I was taking this seriously and was a bit aghast, until I realized that Will is going for a laugh here. He likes to use anonymous characters to add a little comic relief in his tragedies. At least, I hope this is comic relief. It must be; right?

  

I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Mr. Blagys. Those guys back then had a pretty different outlook on life. You know what they said: 'better dead than sexually fed'...

 

They did not say that, Mojo. You're a piece of work. 'Better dead than sexually fed'; Where do you even come up with this stuff?

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

He has made too much plenty with ‘em,

He’s a sworn rioter: he has a sin that often

Drowns him, and takes his valour prisoner:

If there were no foes, that were enough

To overcome him: in that beastly fury

He has been know to commit outrages

And cherish factions: ‘tis inferr’d to us

His days are foul, and his drink dangerous.


Second Senator

Timon of Athens                Act III, Scene v, Line 72

The senator is speaking about a man who they are about to pass sentence on for murder. The murderer is a soldier, and his general, Alcibiades, is here pleading for his life. He’s telling the senators what a great soldier this guy is and how well he has served and defended his country. Apparently though, this fellow can’t handle his drink, and that’s a problem.

Previous to Today’s Line Alcibiades is saying of the soldier,

How full of valour did he bear himself

In the last conflict, and made plenteous wounds.

Apparently, though, according to the senator, he makes too many wounds and much of them are made not in battle but in bar rooms. The senator makes reference to the soldier’s drinking problem

                               …he has a sin that often

Drowns him, and takes his valour prisoner:

Bottom line is that they end up sentencing the guy to death for murder. Alcibiades gets a bit overzealous in his defense of the soldier and in the process manages to really piss off the senators; so they banish Alcibiades just for good measure.

We’re done with the soldier after this scene (in fact, we never actually see the guy), but banished Alcibiades will show up later in the play interacting with the self-banished Timon. So, this scene is merely a set up for Alcibiades to be banished, and the soldier is just collateral damage of the plot line.  Hey, what do you think of that wording: collateral damage of the plot line. I like that, and it carries the battle scene imagery straight through. Not bad, eh?

 

And there he goes again with the ‘how great his writing is’ thing.

Not listening. NOT LISTENING.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

The fee-simple! O simple!

 

Mercutio

Romeo and Juliet                      Act III, Scene i, Line 35

Here’s the deal. First off, a fee-simple is the totality of ownership. A fee-simple title is full, complete, and unencumbered ownership (I had to look it up). Now, Mercutio and Benvolio are talking and drinking. Mercutio has just spent sixteen lines telling Benvolio how moody and quarrelsome he is:

Come, come, thou art as hot as a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy; and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be moved.

Benvolio responds with a sort of “I know you are, but what am I” line:

An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.

Mercutio then responds with Today’s Line.

The fee-simple! O simple!

So Today’s Line is just Mercutio simply (no pun intended) making a pun on Benvolio’s use of the word simple (in a not so simple line: buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter? What the heck is that?)

Anyway, it’s a pun. Yes, a pun. Now I know that puns have been referred to as the lowest form of humor, but that is a subjective pejorative. Will used puns liberally in his works as, in fact, puns are as old as language itself. Don’t believe me? Well, I dare you to prove me wrong.

Really? A pun?

Oh, go back to sleep, 

Mr. Superior-Language-Skills

 

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

But when he saw my best alarum’d spirits,

Bold in the quarrel’s right, roused to th’encounter,

Or whether gasted [frightened, alarmed] by the noise I made,

Full suddenly he fled.

 

Edmund

King Lear                    Act II, Scene i, Line 55

This is a pretty good line. Of course, Edmund here is lying through his teeth. He’s telling his father, Gloster, that he was just fighting with his brother Edgar, but that Edgar ran off right before Gloster came into the room. He’s saying that he’s not sure whether it was his determination (best alarmun’d spirits) or his yelling (the noise I made), that made Edgar run off (full suddenly he fled). Either way, he’s managed to convince his father that Edgar is out to kill him (Gloster), and he’s convinced Edgar that everyone’s out to get him (Edgar). Edmund is a serious weasel.

Notice the new/old word for the day, gasted. That’s right, it means frightened, alarmed, or scared. It’s a pretty good word. It makes me think of aghast, or perhaps flabbergasted. I believe we could put this word to good use.

I asked Mojo to give me his best gasted look. 

Not bad, Buddy.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Thou (Cloten) bidds’t me to my loss: for, true to thee

Were to prove false, which I will never be,

To him (Posthumus) that is most true.—To Milford go,

And find not her (Imogen) whom thou pursuest.—Flow, flow,

You heavenly blessings, on her!—This fool’s (Cloten’s) speed

Be crost with slowness; labour be his meed!(Reward)

                                                                                     [Exit]

 

Pisanio

Cymbeline                   Act III, Scene iv, Line 159               

This is, admittedly, a little bit confusing. I’ve tried to clarify it a little bit by adding names after a bunch of the pronouns so that you know who Pisanio is referring to. Of course, this assumes you know who Cloten, Imogen, and Posthumus are and have some sense of what’s going on at this point in the play, and you probably don’t know either. Do you? In fact, you’re not even paying attention to any of this, are you?

 

What is she doing over there? Is she getting me a treat? I think she might be getting me a treat.

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Why sir, I pray, are not the streets as free

For me as for you?

             But so is not she.

Tranio and Gremio

The Taming of the Shrew   Act I, Scene ii, Line 49                       

I had to put all of this, though it’s spoken by two different guys, because it’s one line. Here’s a little context to make some sense of it.

I’m pretty sure that, even without having read this blog previously, you should have some knowledge of this play. It’s about Petruchio wooing Katharina, the titular shrew. What you might not know is that she has a younger, sweeter, prettier sister named Bianca who everyone else wants to woo. In this scene Hortensio and Gremio, two of Bianca’s suitors are present when Lucentio and Tranio show up. Lucentio is one more guy who has an interest in Bianca, and Tranio is his servant. When Gremio realizes that Lucentio is another rival for Bianca he tells these two guys to get lost. That’s where Today’s exchange takes place.

Okay, now go back and read Today’s Lines knowing that Gremio had just told Tranio and Lucentio to get you hence (get lost).

Gremio is replying to Tranio's question about the streets being a free place, by saying that whilst the streets are free for anyone, Bianca is not. Got it?

Any questions.

Yes, I have a question: Do you have to talk out loud when you're just talking to yourself?  There's no one else in the room, and I'm trying to sleep in here!

Why sir, I pray, is not this room as free

For me as for you?

                                    But so is not... um... 

Oh could you just put a sock on it?

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

What means his grace, that  he hath changed his style?

No more but, plain and bluntly, ‘ To the king?’

Hath he forgot he is his sovereign?

Or doth this churlish superscription

Pretend some alteration in good will?

 

Duke of Gloster

King Henry the Sixth Part I     Act IV, Scene i, Line 51                 

A bit of explanation, and then I think the meaning of Gloster’s words will be very clear.

Henry VI, the King of England, is in Paris. He is being crowned the King of France (in addition to England) as a show of victory of England over France (a victory accomplished by Henry’s father, Henry V). The coronation having been completed, Henry is talking with a bunch of his entourage. He asks Gloster to read a letter sent to the king from the Duke of Burgundy.

Gloster begins, but is surprised that Burgundy has begun his letter to King Henry with the salutation ‘To the king’, as opposed to ‘To his royal Highness’ or something more respectful. Churlish superscription means rude title, as in ‘to the king’. As to whether or not Burgundy’s churlish superscription forebodes some alteration in goodwill towards King Henry, you’re darn tootin’ it does. The letter goes on to tell King Henry that he, Burgundy, has

Forsaken your pernicious faction,

And join’d with Charles, the rightful King of France.

So that’s not particularly good news, and Henry promptly tells Lord Talbot (he’s the General Patton of the group) to go talk with him (Burgundy), and give him chastisement. He also tells Talbot to take the army with him, just in case he needs to do more than just talk to Burgundy. 

Apparently, the word chastisement has a fairly broad meaning here.

 

Well now hold on just a minute there, Mr. Blagys, I'm giving this a little thought. I don’t think I’d be particularly happy if you sent me a letter that began with “To the dog”. 

Mojo, it’s very doubtful that I will ever be sending you a letter, considering that you can’t read.

But if I do, by chance, ever send you a letter, I’ll start it with “Dear Mojo,”. 

Okay?

That works for me.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue:

Hamlet

Hamlet                   Act III, Scene ii, Line 1                  

Yes, that’s Hamlet from the play Hamlet. It’s a very well known line. It’s Hamlet speaking to one of the performers who have come the castle to put on a play. I’m going to give you Hamlet’s full instruction to the player. It’s sixteen lines and I wanted you to know that I was throwing it at you before you took a shot at reading and understanding it.

Why am I insisting on giving you sixteen lines as opposed to two above? Well, you can stick with the two if you like, no one is forcing you to read the next paragraph. I think, however, that it’s a really good speech, and I wanted to give you the opportunity to read it. It’s got some wonderful language in there, and it’s not terribly difficult. So here you go.

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as lief (I would prefer) the town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus; but use all gently: for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say, the whirlwind of passion, you give it smoothness. O, it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion (play) to tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings (the playgoers in the cheap seats), who, for the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb-shows and noise: I would have such a fellow whipt for o’erdoing Termagant; it out-herods Herod: pray you, avoid it.

In those last two lines, from I would have such a fellow whipt, to the end, Hamlet is talking about avoiding over-acting: Termagant and Herod are classic villains.

So, whaddaya think? That wasn’t so bad, was it? Or perhaps you’re thinking, Shoulda stuck with the “Speak the speech trippingly on the tongue”, and left it at that, Pete. We didn’t need to hear Hamlet rattle on and on about overacting!

Yeah, you’re right: I often don’t know when to shut up and leave well enough alone. Oh well. Perhaps Hamlet and I have that in common.

And there he goes again: comparing himself to Hamlet. Oyyy!

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

God save your Grace!

Bardolph

King Henry the Fourth Part II  Act II, Scene ii, Line 72                

Pretty simple today: it’s just Bardolph saying hello to Hal, aka Prince Henry, aka the future King Henry the Fifth.

Now, it just so happens that I’m reading Huckleberry Finn right now (a book I’ve never read). I would highly recommend this book in terms of readability, with the caveat that it involves the over-usage of a certain six letter word that begins with the letter N. But I didn’t bring it up to discuss that issue. I brought it up to discuss an irony issue. 

Earlier today I was reading the section where Huck and Jim pick up these two guys in the river and one of them claims to be the Duke of Bridgewater and the other the Dauphin and rightful heir to the throne of France. Naturally these two royal wannabes insist on being addressed as the royals they suppose to be (it’s pretty evident that they’re a couple of frauds). In fact, “your Grace” is one of the titles that the phony Duke wants them to use. So that when I saw Today’s Line was God save your Grace, well I found that to be just a little bit ironic. Don’t you?

His Grace, Sir Buster of Mojo surveying his dominion.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

No, I’ll die here. [Drawing his sword]

There’s some among you have beheld me fighting:

Come, try upon  yourselves what you have seen me.

 

Caius Marcius Coriolanus     

Coriolanus                  Act III, Scene i, Line 222

 

The crowd, for the most part being spurred on by the two weaselly tribunes (akin to U. S. Representatives), is calling for Caius Marcius’s head. They’re are yelling that he should be dragged to the cliff at the Tarpeian Rock and thrown off it. That’s when Caius Marcius draws his sword against the crowd with Today’s Line. His buddies Cominius and Meninius talk him down before he can start killing people, but it’s a tense moment brought about by an unruly crowd being led by two unscrupulous tribunes.

This is a complicated play. No one is fully in the right or wrong, though in my opinion the two tribunes are more in the wrong than anyone else. If for no other reason than that it does such a good job of pointing out the complexities of effective government, this is a play that should be taught in high schools today.

But what do I know?  

Now here's a couple of guys who should be in charge. They would keep things running smoothly. Look at them. Sam was about to head off to find a sunbeam or something, and Mojo was just sitting there scratching. 

I said, "Hey, guys, can you give me a nice pose for a pic," and they stopped and sat for me. 

"Nice," I said. "Now, one more for a closeup."

"Perfect!"

No unruly mob here!

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

When did the tiger’s young ones teach the dam?

O, do not learn her wrath,--she taught it thee;

The milk thou suck’dst from her did turn to marble;

Even at thy teat thou hadst thy tyranny.

 

Lavinia

Titus Andronicus           Act II, Scene iii, Line 143

 

These are some of the last lines that Lavinia will have in this play. She won’t die until the last act, but a few lines further down from here she’ll be dragged off by Chiron and Demetrius who will rape her and then cut out her tongue and chop off her hands. So she won’t be saying much after this.

Right now though, Lavinia still has her tongue and she’s trying to talk to Tamora, the mother of these two guys, to get her to stop her sons from what they’re about to do. Demetrius responds by saying to his mother,

 

Listen, fair madam: let it be your glory

To see her tears; but be your heart to them

An unrelenting flint to drops of rain.

 

Be your heart to them (Lavinia’s tears)/An unrelenting flint to drops of rain. That's not bad. Anyway, that’s when Lavinia gives us Today’s Lines telling Demetrius not to try to teach his mother how to be cruel, because she’s the one who taught him.

 

These don’t sound like very nice people, Mr. Blagys.

They’re not, Mojo; not very nice at all. And unfortunately, these kinds of people are still with us today. Best to try to avoid them at all costs. 

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Now sways it (the battle) this way, like a mighty sea,

Forced by the tide to combat with the wind;

Now sways it that way, like the selfsame sea

Forced to retire by fury of the wind:

Sometime the flood prevails, and then the wind;

Now one the better, then another best;

Both tugging to be victors, breast to breast,

Yet neither conqueror nor conquered:

So is the equal poise of this fell war.

 

King Henry

King Henry the Sixth Part III   Act II, Scene v, Line 7

 

There’s that word fell again. Remember, in this case it has nothing to do with falling; it means simply evil.

And what of this passage?

Here we have King Henry pausing, alone, on the sidelines of a great battle. It is a battle that he should be leading, but is not. Whilst his queen and lieutenants run the show, he is left sitting there ruminating about the battle and the war. His musings are interesting and valid, but also a very sad reminder of what an ineffectual leader he is.

If this were Henry V, this king’s father, we’d be hearing “Once more into the breach!” and so on as he led the troops to into battle. But with the son, not so much. He’d rather ruminate on the vicissitudes of war than participate in it. 

Honestly, I think I am much more like the son than the father. Not very heroic of me, eh?

 

You’ll always be my hero, Mr. Blagys. Speaking of that, do you think my new hairdo makes me look fierce? 

Take a look at it from the back. What do you think?   Fierce?

Very fierce, Mojo. Very fierce indeed.

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

My lord, your sorrow was too sore laid on,

Which sixteen winters cannot blow away,

So many summers dry; scarce any joy

Did ever so long live; no sorrow

But kill’d itself much sooner.

Camillo

The Winter’s Tale             Act V, Scene iii, Line 55

Once again, we’ve arrived at the end of the play. There are only about one hundred lines left in this, the last scene. Leontes and company have been led by Paulina to see a statue of his long dead wife Hermione. They are all marveling at the statue, and Leontes has just been moaning about how it’s all his fault that that his wife died all those years ago. In Today’s Lines Camillo is telling Leontes that he spent sixteen years being sorry, and that’s too long.

Yes, that’s all that he’s saying. Given that bit of context, Camillo’s lines should be pretty easy to understand. 

Yah, yah - easy to understand...never mind about that stuff;  what do you think about my haircut?

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

  

The roof of the chamber

With golden cherubins is fretted: her andirons-

I had forgot them- were two winking Cupids

Of silver, each on one foot standing, nicely

depending on their brands.

 

Iachimo

Cymbeline             Act II, Scene iv, Line 88

Iachimo is describing the bedroom of Imogen, Posthumus’s wife. Iachimo made a bet with Posthumus that he, Iachimo, could seduce Imogen and get her to cheat on her husband. All he really did was sneak into Imogen’s bedroom without Imogen. He is describing the bedroom to Posthumus as proof that he slept with Imogen. He did no such thing, but gullible Posthumus believes him.

Iachimo/Posthumus, Iago/Othello; it’s all the same nonsense. One of them gets his hands on a hanky, and the other describes a bedroom. These husbands of Shakespeare need to have a little more faith in their wives! Just wow.

I'm glad I'm not married. 

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Help, Jupiter; or we appeal,

And from thy justice fly.

 

Both Brothers (of Posthumus)

Cymbeline             Act V, Scene iv, Line 91

 

Okay, here’s the deal: Posthumus has been thrown in prison, though I’m not sure for what. But whatever it is, I’m pretty sure it’s unfair. Now he’s having a dream, so this is a dream sequence. His whole family is here, though they are all dead and gone: his mother and father and his two brothers. They are all begging the gods to let up on Posthumus saying that he’s suffering unjustly. Today’s line is his two brothers asking Jupiter for his help. And that’s about it.

Yes, that's right, it’s a dream sequence.  

It would be great to be able to see this guy's dream sequence...

Treats !

Treats !

Treats !

Treats !

Treats !

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

 

Thou art not holy to belie me so;

I am not mad: this hair I tear is mine;

My name is Constance; I was Geffrey’s wife;

Young Arthur is my son, and he is lost:

I am not mad;-- I would to heaven I were!

 

Constance

King John            Act III, Scene iv, Line 47

Constance is not mad (off her rocker mad: not angry mad), but she wishes she were. If she were mad then maybe she would be able to forget about her murdered son. As it is, young Arthur is all she can think about.

Can you blame her?

 

Can I blame her?!? The nerve of this guy!

 Him and the Missus are constantly taking off on me, disappearing sometimes for days or weeks at a time! I don’t know if they're dead somewhere! 

Of course I don’t blame this poor lady for feeling how she does; I feel the same way half the time!

 

Today’s Totally Random Lines

  

Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th’ other day into the compast window, - and, you know, he has not past three or four hairs on his chin-

 

Pandarus

Troilus and Cressida         Act I, Scene ii, Line 111

Pandarus is talking to Cressida. Pandarus is Cressida’s uncle, and he is also friend to Troilus. The latter is in love with Cressida, and Pandarus is doing everything he can to help Troilus. In this scene he is talking up Troilus, and that’s who they’re referring to above. Pandarus has said that he thinks Helen loves Troilus more than Paris, and Cressida answered Then she’s a merry Greek indeed. That’s when Pandarus gives us today’s line. By the way, a compast window is a round one. Yes, I had to look that up.

This play is confusing. I’ve never read, seen, or listened to it in its entirety. It’s loosely based on Homers Iliad. Remember in that story that Paris of Troy kidnapped Helen of Greece. Now the Greeks are at the walls of Troy besieging the city to rescue Helen. This play takes place partly in the Greek camp outside the city, partly inside the walls of Troy, and partly on the battlefield outside the walls. Pandarus, Cressida, and Troilus are Trojans, the latter being Paris’s brother. Somehow, and I'm not sure of the details, Cressida will be getting sent over to the Greeks in some sort of trade. It's confusing. 

This is the play that's in the First Folio without being in the table of contents of the First Folio. No kidding; there are thirty-six plays in the First Folio and only thirty-five in the table of contents. This one just shows up, unannounced, right before Coriolanus. How's that for confusing. 

Got all that?

I think so: Pandarus likes Cressida, and Troilus is a traitor for the Greeks, and nobody wrote this play. 

No, no, no: Troilus is... um... and Pandarus and Cress... uh....

Yeah, I think you've got it Mojo.